Things are looking down:( Nat is at Tatjana's living there and manipulating the you know what out of everyone. I should just sign the pink slip on this one, but something inside doesn't let me, at least right now. I have spent almost a thousand dollars in shrink bills to date in the last 3 weeks of dealing with her bull**it.

Andy is in Toronto, so it is just Jake and I at home for a couple days. Whew! It should be nice, no big dinners, nice and quiet.

I really want to say alot, but I just don't know where to begin at this point. I am always thinking the what if? which is very destructive and throws me into a frenzy of scenarios that probably won't happen.

Ok so yesterday was the hysteria, oops I mean Wysteria Festival in lovely little Sierra Madre. I was a slightly cool and cloudy day, just my style. Andy & Sprocket and I walked into town and hung for a few hours, looking at the craft faire etc.

Candice came home for Spring Break. She spent most of the time with her friends, as usual. On Friday morning her and James were in bed when I got up, I was not shocked, but a little pissed off.

My life is very quietly falling to pieces all around me. Just a little at a time. Today one thing, tomorrow will be another. I am not quite sure when it actually all started. Perhaps if I just just pinpoint that, I could pick up the pieces, or at least find them.

It has been an incredibly rough week. It is Thursday, which is actually my Friday. I am going to go home and veg.

I have been dreaming about my mountains alot of late. I think it is because of our trip last weekend to mammoth. The incredible beauty of the snowy peaks, the minarets, the owens gorge, has stayed implanted in my brain. It brings back the days of living on the North Shore of Lake Tahoe. The days of no real responsibilities, of being single and enjoying my like, of being in charge of my own day, week, month. Not having life be dictated by, kids, husband, house, career.

It is a dream of freedom. like flying.