Mother

My mother’s birthday was on the 24th. I have not called her yet, I think I will write her a nice letter and send her a gift. I am afraid of getting into a big conflict with her about Natalie. How I am raising her, why she is not home, why her religious education is non-existent. Natalie is 17 an has her own mind, and isn't about to listen to ANYTHING I have to say. She is going to a Catholic School and that is about the most I can do in terms of religious education. That seems like more than enough.

I think my mother is a schizophrenic. She has visions of my dead sister at night, and is obsessed with God.

It must be nice...

My sister-in-law was here from Boston over the weekend. She stopped to visit with her son on the way home from Puerta Vallarta. She spent spring Break there with the kids while hubby was at home in Boston.

We sat at talked on Saturday afternoon, she told me how bored she was with her friends, and how she hated the garden club (even though she is president) how she is tired of being involved in the PTO at her kids school etc. She also now has a personal trainer, so she is working out and going to the gym, oh and she also wants to go to graduate school, but doesn't want to have to go work after she graduates.

Life really must be tuff. I try to find time to do the laundry!

I found it! "The Shield"

The Boob Tube

Hubby accidentally screwed up taping our favorite show of the week “The Shield”. The VCR (yes we are still in the dark ages) taped the first 10 minutes then stopped. So tonight I am hoping that I can figure out how to tape ER, if it is not a repeat and find a web site that will recap Tuesday night episode of “The Shield”. I have found one that does a good job on ER, when I miss it.

Isn’t it amazing how we get hooked on different types of television shows? I really like FOOD TV network, Emeril and the 2 Fat Ladies, the Iron Chef (reminds me of the Godzilla Movies) also the animal planet, but only the veterinarian stories, then a few prime time shows.

I never used to like television, for a while I didn’t have a TV, then lived in an area that didn’t have cable. So then I turned it on for company since only 1 channel was available sometimes.

So tonight I will get home about 7-7:30 and turn on the TV. Watch channel 4 while I wash dishes, make and eat dinner, get the rats out for a romp and have a cocktail. I will watch Will and Grace and Just Shoot Me, I may channel flip if there are reruns, then at 10:00 I will watch Dr. green slowly die on ER.

Hump Day

Wednesday is not really my hump day, Tuesday is, as I normally do not have to go into the office on Friday. Today I had to shut my door becuase to many people are just walking by and bugging me with silly questions and comments. When I have no time for their nonsense!

I have to meet with the shrink and Natalie tomorrow. I told Andy and he immediately started pressuring me about making sure I tell her that she is not welcome at the house, and how she can't come home until she makes a complete turnaround. Talk about pressure, gee.

He also sent me an e-mail on monday about his needs. I am not sure how to respond to it. I suppose I will mull it over a bit before I say something, so I don't say anything that I regret.

I finallly got my web site published. It is just a small one, but I think it is neat. Go to animal luvs here.

OM

This weekend we drove up to Sacramento to watch Jacob compete in the state finals for Odyssey of the Mind. It was fun becuase we were also able to stay with friends in Nevada City and relax and have a little fun. It was good not to really have any responsiblity for the weekend. Jacob had to ride up and back with his team and stay in Sacramento in a hotel, oh well! The team did not do weell, but the kids had lots of fun.

The Beginning
Part I


There are actually 2 parts to my adult life. Before my sister died, and after my sister died; I suppose I look at it that way because of how different the two parts are.

When I was in my mid twenties I decided to move to Lake Tahoe. This was actually a result of meeting a man who lived there, but also because I need change and I needed to be closer to nature. The environment was a big draw. For those of you who have never been there, go there now.

I lived there for 10 years, it all seems like a dream now. I had a lovely house with a lake view, wonderful friends, I skied, I hiked, I mountain biked; I listed to the snowfall and then melt. My life was good.

I met my now husband, who lived in southern California. We romped in nature’s playground on the weekends. Ate in all the yummy places, watched romantic sunsets on the lake, hiked under the moonlight and picnicked in idyllic places that no one else new about.

Then all hell broke loose. On January 2, 1996 I had just put Andy on the plane to go home, I had a message from my mother. I rang her back and she told me my sister was dead. Just like that, not I have some bad news, or Ann you may want to sit down. No, she just blurted out Barbara is dead.

bad girl

Floating around lately. Blurred and out of focus for the most part. Things occasionally come into view for periods of time, and then I am back in the clouds.

Today is one of those days, or should I say daze. I couldn’t sleep last night, and so I am feeling about as hazy as the sky. Andy didn’t get up early; he stayed in bed until I was ready to leave for work. That was odd. He has not been feeling well, shoulder aches, and we are just getting old.

Spent way too much time in the surf. Looking for stuff to enhance the log. Not paying attention to what really needs to be taken care of. I will get in touch later.

So my fate is being decided here at work. I am being scutinized by a police chief who is a bigot and a chinese man who thinks I am incompetant. I do the work, get no credit, am underpaid, and probably will stay that way. Oh well. Such is life.